Conflict May Be Expressed Overtly or Covertly

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. This doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. There are 5 principles of interpersonal conflict. Our book discusses the 5 principles in detail from pages 225-230. I would like to focus primarily on the second principle but I’d like to quickly summarize all five principles for context and clarity. The first principle states that conflict is both natural and inevitable. The second principle discusses the two different ways conflict can be communicated, covertly and overtly. Third, conflict styles and meanings are shaped by social location. The fourth principle states that how we manage conflict influences its resolution and its impact on interpersonal climates. Lastly, the fifth principle shows us that conflict can be constructive for individuals and relationships. “We can build on these principles by discussing diverse ways that people approach and respond to conflict,” (pg. 230).

I would like to focus on Principle 2: Conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly. Overt conflict is out in the open and explicit (pg. 226). This type of conflict exists when people deal with their differences in a direct, straightforward manner. For example, depending on the couple they might engage in a shouting match, argue about their ideas in an intense manner, or they might calmly discuss their disagreement directly. In the heat of an argument I tend to always steer towards calmly discussing the disagreement with people I really care about. I like trying to resolve the conflict in the moment and as quickly as possible in order to be able to move on from that issue. However, when dealing with co-workers, class-mates, or acquaintances I might engage in more covert strategies of conflict.



Physical Violence is never acceptable



Covert conflict exists when people express their feelings and disagreements indirectly (pg. 226). If I am angry at another person, I might try to do something to hurt or upset them. I don’t think this is the healthy way to deal with conflict but if I’m not as invested in the relationship I tend not to put as much effort in and just react. A common form of covert conflict is passive aggression, which is acting aggressively while denying feelings or acting aggressive. The women in my family tend to engage in yelling matches and direct verbal putdowns while my dad is very passive aggressive. He will sometimes act cold and distant all while denying that anything is wrong at all.

When I think of overt conflict a specific television episode of Friends comes to mind. In the episode, Ross and Rachael have recently got back together after a long time apart. Ross and Rachael have an openly aggressive yelling match directed at each other right in front of their friends. They reveal intimate details about each other in order to embarrass the other person while also engaging in general putdowns and jabs. Be the judge for yourself if this clip is an example of overt or covert conflict.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsvsRZhNVp4&playnext=1&list=PL694BCC397431A1D6&index=44